Post by mttbrilhart on Oct 23, 2010 19:00:45 GMT -5
Okay, so users Trleft and Spookyrider are writing their versions of a script for a Haunted House/ Bill Tracy themed movie too. This thread is for my script. As I updated it, I will post more. Once I finish, I will post a link to the full copy on a document without the forum-censored language.
WARNING: Be forewarned: It might get a bit graphic at some points, and the language is not for your Granny and Grandpa's ears. It's a mix of suspense, horror, fantasy, adventure, drama, romance, and slasher film all in one.
Only post your thoughts and comments on my script on this thread. We have talk'n the talk to go off topic on. If your going to write your own script, post it in your own thread. THIS THREAD IS FOR MY SCRIPT AND COMMENTS ON MY SCRIPT ONLY.
Post by mttbrilhart on Oct 23, 2010 19:10:25 GMT -5
Like I said. I can always change the title. It be another thing to change the story now that I'm on a role with it. Glad you like it so far. You can post yours too ya know. There's always another telling of a story as vast as Tracy and the Haunted House are concerned.
Post by the TROID! on Oct 23, 2010 20:46:19 GMT -5
na mine is completely off topic, but I will post a summary anyway
A man in his early 20's gains a free house near the shore of Wes Ocean City. House seems like an old shack, pretty big size, good enough to live in. This man's sister, who happens to be a very *friendly* personty prostitute, sold her self to the infamous "Bill Tracy" who has been known for usually killing prostitutes and hiding them in certain places. However His Sister (including several other woman) and even decapitated COunt WOlf VOn Hinderstine (the which was married to one of the wives who Bill has killed.) for that reason, he gains the rights to this house on one condition. He must spend at least 3 DAYS IN THIS HOUSE!
that was the first part
I will post the other couple parts later if people are interested
Post by spookyrider on Oct 24, 2010 1:59:05 GMT -5
Pretty good script! I'm surprised you already finished that much of it in such a short amount of time! You should describe things more, and WHO IS YUM YUM?! And tell of their actions (it IS a screenplay) Well, I will write my script. I'm focusing mine on all of Bill Tracy's work, in a Tracy-like house. For me it takes a while to do. I start out with a messy outline, to get a basic story map, and then I start writing. How did you write this one? Do you write as you go?
Post by mttbrilhart on Oct 24, 2010 8:42:30 GMT -5
Oh, and Plokoon, I couldn't just follow the 'Black Guy who buys it in 20 minutes" Horror movie stereotype; they need to get inside first before he buys it you know...there will be blood, trust me...
I am currently editing a good amount of the first part, so it might end up being somewhat different. I'm describing more, and giving the characters more depth, even though as a Horror movie rule, they must stick to the trope stereotype. I'm not altering the plot as it's been so far. Maybe a new scene or two, but It's sticking to the same basis as it's been.
Post by mttbrilhart on Oct 24, 2010 19:54:57 GMT -5
I revisited the script; a new extended Rat Chase scene and a bit of a change to the later part I posted. Here is the NEW one:
Bill Tracy's The Haunted House Script by MBrilhart - Based on the creations of Bill Tracy & Trimper's Haunted House attraction
(Studio Title Card plays)
Organ music begins to play; the screen is black; the opening credits begging. The Organ music crescendos and the blackness disappears via a flash of lightning to reveal a huge mansion with all sorts of mish-mashed and crooked architecture. The mansion is set against a stormy night sky with dark clouds and flashes of lightning. The lower frame reveals a rocky beachfront with raging waves crashing against the shore. The House sits high above on a hill overlooking the stormy ocean. The camera does a pan around the house as it moves up, zooming in. The camera takes us in through a huge smashed opening in the boards under the tallest and uppermost gable. All goes dark, and the main theme from the Haunted House is heard for the first time on the organ. Through the darkness, wooden beams appear; the form together to create the letters for the main title card.
(Main Title Card Plays for “Bill Tracy’s THE HAUNTED HOUSE”)
The organ music hits its final note, and huge bat comes flying through the darkness behind the beams spelling out “Haunted House”. It crashes through them, and heads straight at the camera; its dark body fills the frame, and all goes dark.
(End of Opening Credits)
The darkness fades to reveal the house again. It’s day time; a cloudy gray sky looms over the distant sea and the sun shines on the weed covered field on the side of the house. Wind is blowing and the old house is seen in much more detail now due to the light. Its dull colors match that of the dark sky and dying weedy fields surrounding it. The windows are all crooked in some way or another; the chimney almost appears to be made of clay, as the angle it is at seems way off; only the heavy winds reveal its sturdy stucco build. The towering uppermost gable hangs above a large dark hole in the center wall where the wooden planks have all been smashed away. It looks deserted. The shot of the old house then pans out to reveal it as an image on a computer screen. We see some teenagers huddled around a computer in a library looking at an article with the inserted image of the old house. The Article reads:
HAUNTED AMERICA - THE VON VINDERSTINE ESTATE
A location many have overlooked when researching paranormal sites on the eastern seaboard is a huge dilapidated manor last owned by the Von Vinderstiene family. This magnificently horrendous mansion has sat vacant for quite some time, making it very unsafe for research. While not much is known about its history as of the estate’s later years, the mansion was built by Lord Von Vinderstiene II whose family hails from Transylvania in the middle-eastern area of Europe. To this day some historians argue whether or not Lord Von Vinderstiene was a “Vampire” or just a rich man of noble decent from the land known for its tales of creatures like so. The House was passed on through various ancestors by blood-line. The last recorded owner of the house was the Count Wolfgang “Wolf” Von Vinderstiene. It was during this time when things went undocumented. Nobody knows what became of the Count, or if he is even alive today. The state of the house infers it’s currently unoccupied. The Land on which the home sits is quite a plot. The house is on a small peninsula that jets into the Atlantic, and the land connecting it to the mainland in surrounded by a thick forest and weeds that have engulfed most of the property; furthering the assumption it is unoccupied. The roads leading to the house were unpaved, and have vanished under the dense foliage. To get any sort of paranormal investigation into the property with the required equipment would be impossible. Paranormal instances have plagued the house over its history. One instance told of a maid awaking to find her room completely upside-down; unable to move an hanging from the ceiling pined to her bed, she forced herself into a shock-induced coma, only to wake and find her room right side-up. Another instance tells of a butler who claims the hallways would play tricks on him. He said the halls would stretch on an on so that they never had an end. They would tilt on the side and cause him to lose his balance. These instances are undocumented by factual information or footage, but they only add to the mystery of the gloomy ancestral mansion. The photo seen here was taking about ten years ago, before the forest became too thick to even walk through. The location is currently inaccessible.
The article is read by a voice assumed to be the writer of the article. Once it finishes, the Teens begin discussing the contents if the article and their plans for Halloween night. In genre fashion, we have the stereotypical group for a good Horror/Slasher film. Bill is your average mono syllable named good guy; he isn’t a bully and tries to be friendly to everyone. He has an attractive yet virgin bespectacled brunet girlfriend Amy, who isn’t in the “Cool” crowd, but isn’t a nerd or outcast by any means; she isn’t a bully either but is quicker to anger then her boyfriend when push comes to shove. Bill has three best buds; and ego driven, self-proclaimed group leading greasy Guido; Dominic; he’s a jock/greaser kind of character; he is always picking on people, and is always trying to prove people wrong. He’s the cool kid. Then there’s Benny, a brotha from the hood with a fear of virtually everything; In typical Horror Movie Fashion, Benny is the one who always realizes that something is wrong first, but is always the one who ends up in trouble while the others avoid trouble. He isn’t the coolest kid around because of his phobias, but Bill and he are good pals. Then there is Lee, a nerdy Japanese American who wants nothing more than to lose his virginity (Picture the character Takashi from Revenge of the Nerds); unfortunately, his nerdy tendencies get in the way; he is very smart and quick thinking; his English is way to proper to make him look cool; (English is a second language for him; he has a thick Japanese accent) Bill keeps his safe to some extent from Dominic’s bullying;(He’s nick-named Yum-Yum by Dominic). Dominic’s preppy blonde girlfriend Elaine with her ditzy tendencies and her red-headed B.F.F. Nicole who is the object of both Benny and Lee’s affections round out this gang of Horror movie teenagers looking for a good time in bad places. They are looking for a place to hang Halloween night that isn’t the same old thing. They have been to all the haunts and walk-troughs around the area, and want to see something different. They find this article describing the house which is only a few hours away…
Dominic: “That forest ain’t nothing I can’t handle. What a bunch of sissies. Can’t even go in the woods to reach the house cause’ it’s “Too thick”. nuts, I think we should go there on Halloween ourselves to prove this “Inaccessible” crap wrong. What do ya’ say Bill?”
Bill: “I don’t know man; isn’t that called trespassing?” Dominic: “Eh; it’s not trespassing when it’s abandoned is it?”
Benny: “Yo look dawg, they said it was Haunted; Why would we wanna be up in that joint; and on Halloween night?!”
Dominic: “Because it’s Haunted, Yo Dawg. Duh…”
Lee: “This plan sounds quite interesting. Will I be invited to this interesting planed gathering if it is indeed going to happen?”
Bill: “Of course you will man.”
Dominic: “Ugh*.” (*To self)
Amy: “Aren’t there any safer places to go on Halloween?”
Benny: “Yeah, places without beds that do barrel rolls and hallways that get longer and longer…”
Amy: “At least somewhere that isn’t like that place…uninhabited…”
Lee: “I Shall Google “Halloween Haunts” on “Local Settings” again!”
Dominic: “…Oh no you won’t Yum-Yum; this place looks way better then “Freddy’s Woods” or “Creatures in the Mist”; and this one is probably for real…”
Elaine: “It says it’s for real…”
Nicole: “Like, real ghosts and stuff are in there? Far out...”
Dominic: “So it’s settled; we are going to this Van Hinderstine House on Halloween. Map it out Yum-Yum; we so gonna do this.”
Lee: “Mapping as you requested…”
The camera pans in on the computer; Lee has opened a satellite mapping system, and the camera pans in over the old house. The camera zooms in and we are back on the grounds of the house as the computer image fades into the real thing. The camera slowly zooms in on the house before changing angles abruptly. We are now looking out a window in the house across the grounds; a forest in the distance I separated by a huge weed-covered field; a small graveyard can be seen at the base of the house, fenced in by a very crooked iron fence. The interior is very dark and dusty, and we can’t see anything but the bright outline of the window and a shadowy figure sitting and watching. An eerie wind chime sound is heard echoing the main theme. We then hear a voice from the shadowy interior singing in a hushed voice…
Voice: “I Love Graveyards in the spring time; I Love Graveyards in the fall…”
The camera fades back to the library. The directions to the house are coming out on a printer. Lee takes them and hands them to Dominic.
Dominic: “So on Halloween, we are headed to this place. Whoever doesn’t show is chicken. See you all at the haunted house!”
Bill, Amy, Benny and Lee all look at each other with looks of concern; Dominic, Elaine, and Nicole walk off. The scene switches over to another panorama of the house; this time at nightfall. Bats are fluttering around the crooked chimney. We hear the sound of an organ playing, and the shot fades to the next scene; Halloween; its day time. The Vincent Price segment from “thriller” begins to play as a view of two cars driving down a one lane dirt road. The camera follows the two cars as they head down the road. We then switch angles to view the inside of the first car. Bill is at the wheel, and Lee is riding shotgun, looking at the directions. Amy is in the back seat. The music is coming from the radio.
Bill: “Okay, so after we turned left off route 95 onto this road what was I supposed to be looking for?”
Lee: “It says “take unmarked left on interstate 95 onto unnamed dirt road and drive for 66 miles. Then, make a right onto unmarked dirt road intersection. Drive 20 miles and you shall arrive at your destination.” That’s what MapQuest says.”
Amy: “Wait, so which road are we on; Unmarked 1 or Unmarked 2?”
Lee: “I believe its Unmarked 1.”
The Laughter of Vincent Price signals the end of “Thriller”. Lee’s cell rings. Bill turns off the radio; Lee picks it up and answers (with a slight nod to Mr.Stubbz). We change angles to the caller, Dominic, who is at the Wheel of the car behind them; he is accompanied by Elaine in shotgun and Nicole and Benny are in the back. Benny is blabbing on about ghosts.
Benny: (In the Background) “…And so when I decide to come along, I made a promise to myself Yo; a promise; no ghosts for me dawg; I see ghosts Yo, and I am out ‘a here; the black brotha is always the first to go…”’
Dominic: “Yo Yum-Yum, where the hell are we?”
Lee: “Oh, it’s you. We are driving in separate cars right now.”
Dominic: “Nonuts. What road are we on?”
Lee: “…Unmarked number one. You shouldn’t be talking and driving at the same time. It’s illegal you know…” Dominic: “Oh really? Well how far do we have to drive Yum-Yum?”
Lee: “I’m almost certain we have 32 miles left in total on our journey to “Your Location”.”
Dominic: “…Well that’s great to know; would ya’ mind putting Bill on the line?”
Lee: “I can’t; That’s illegal you know, because Bill is at the wheel, and studies show driving while using a cellophane is…(Cut off)”
Dominic: “I could give a d**n what studies show. Tell Bill his hoodlum bro he stuck me with won’t stop blabbing off about his phobias and I’m about to knock his lights out if he doesn’t shut his trap.”
Lee: “Okedokey; Bill, your Hoodlum boy Benny isn’t being quite in vehicle number two and Dominic says if he isn’t quiet he is going to commit an act of highly punishable legal assault which will place him in a coma causing him to be quiet.”
Bill: “Hand me the phone; nobody is gonna catch us out here in the middle of nowhere.”
Lee: “Okay…Bill is on the line…just a sec…”
Dominic: “Bill, would you like to give your homie boy a personal message for his safety before I have to put him out?”
Bill: “Tell him its gonna be 10 minutes; if he’s quiet for 10 minutes he will be much better off.”
Lee: “Ooh, Oh! Turn here!”
The camera pans up from the two cars over the forest ahead. The House is clearly visible in the distance; the raging ocean behind it; a cloudy sky is moving in from the sea toward the mainland. We zoom in toward the house as the conversation from the car fades off. Bats are fluttering around the chimney. The shot fades and we see the two cars reaching a dead end in the dirt road; the forest has consumed the driveway, and towers above them on all sides. The teens get out of the cars and gather near the edge of the forest. Benny is blabbing about a phobia of ghosts to Nicole who looks like she has heard more than enough. Elaine and Dominic follow them toward the other car’s occupants. Lee emerges from the car wearing a fanny pack.
Dominic: “Yo, is that what I think it is; dude, a Fanny Pack? You aren’t really bringing that are you?”
Lee: “I am. It has emergency supplies in it! You never know what you might need in a Haunted House you know…”
Dominic: “Whatever, look; I say we head through the forest right now. We can easily make it out on the other side in twenty minutes tops, and the better, since it’s starting to get dark. We want to be in that house by nightfall.”
Amy: “What if it’s harder than it looks? The article said it was inaccessible, so it must be more than a skip and a hop to get through.”
Dominic: “That’s probably because they’ve never had a man like me try it before…follow me everyone, were going ghost huntin’.”
The group begins to trudge through the forest; briar laced bushes, ferns, and poison ivy plants are everywhere. They ground is covered in a thick layer of fresh mud and wet dead leaves; and the former is covered by a thick coat of bushes, ferns, and briars. Some of the teens are on their hands and knees crawling to get through the thick foliage. Dominic struggles through trying to remain up right on two feet like the egotistical fool he is. The distant sound of ocean waves and a deep bellow of wind can be heard beyond the trees. Benny is murmuring to himself about how he “Shouldn’t have come in here, Yo!” Elaine tries to keep up with her Boyfriend; trying to stay upright on her feet like he is. The sun is setting, and its shine is barely visible; engulfed by the thick canopy of yellow and orange trees and the moving clouds. Distant sounds of animals, both normal and unmoral, echo through the trees adding to the eerie atmosphere. Crickets chirp, frogs croak, and birds chirp; the other sounds are strange and bizarre…like nothing ever heard before… the group becomes covered in mud, their clothes damp and wet from drops of water hanging on the foliage from a recent rain. They are all struggling to make it through, constantly getting stuck on briars and in the fresh muddy soil. A number of Ambiance shots establish the spooky atmosphere within the forest.
Dominic: “Hey everyone, I think I see it; we’re almost there!”
Elaine: “That’s straight. Could you slow down, cause’ I’m having trouble keeping up with you babe…whoa!”
Elaine stumbles over and disappears into the thick foliage layering the ground. Her foot has gone knee deep into the muddy terrain...quicksand…
Dominic: “Oh crap, hang on babe!”
Elaine: “I’m stuck! The mud is really, really deep here!”
Dominic struggles to turn back through the thick plant life towards his sinking girlfriend. He becomes stuck momentarily in large briar laced ivy hanging down from a tree. Forcing himself out of it with all his might, he blindly stumbles over Amy who is crawling through the undergrowth, knocking her glasses off into the distant foliage, blinding her.
Amy: “…*gasps*…my glasses…Great, just great; that lumbering moron! I can’t see a thing without my glasses…”
She pauses momentarily and then begins searching around for them; heading in the wrong direction of where they landed. Dominic manages to reach his struggling girlfriend after pulling off a layer of briar laced vines that tangle around his leg.
Elaine: “Help! It’s not letting me free! It’s eating my leg!”
Dominic: “Grab my hand!”
Dominic tugs his girlfriend with all his might. Her leg is stuck in the vacuum like terrain. Meanwhile, Amy is fumbling around for her glasses in the foliage. The thick plant life creates a visual sense of separation between the group members (via another establishing shot), each hidden by the growth. All of the sudden, an inhuman squeal is heard, closer than the other noises heard. The camera pans in on a shot of the glasses on the forest floor; and we see boney paw of a huge furry creature land right next to them. A Rat; a huge furry rodent; it’s at least three feet tall, with dark matted fur. The camera switches to a shot of the huge rat’s ravenous muzzle. Skinny, sickle like teeth spaced out unevenly fill its swollen gums. Drool leaks from its mouth. The Rat begins to move toward the nearest member of the group it sees; Benny. We get a close up shot of its bloodshot eyes, and as the music crescendos, we get a full view of the creature. Dominic manages to pull his girlfriend free from the sinking sand, minus her shoe; which disappears beneath the muddy terrain. Benny spots the huge incoming rat and panics.
Benny: “RAT FROM HELL! EVERY BROTHA FOR HIMSELF! JESUS! JESUS! A RAT FROM HELL..!”
Amy: “…my glasses…I can’t see without my glasses…If my glasses are broken I’m gonna…”
Amy has reached the edge of the forest; we see a wide angle shot of the field, with the enormous house towering in the distance. The sky overhead is dark and filled with clouds. Amy stands up on her feet uneasily in the weedy field.
Amy: “…kill him…uh, oh; I’m out...and my glasses are still in there…d**n; and I lost one of my shoes too…uhg…can’t see a thing without my glasses…”
The camera does a p.o.v. shot which shows us the out-of-focus vision of Amy. She looks down at her feet; realizing she lost one of her flip flops in the woods. The camera then switches back to the woods. We see Benny crawling at full speed away from the lumbering rat. Lee, Bill and Nicole all look up from out of the bushes to see what all the noise is about.
Benny: “EVERY BROTHA FOR HIMSELF! RUN FOR YO LIVES! IT”S GONNA EAT US! JESUS! LORD JESUS! HELP ME!”
Lee: “My-oh-my, that is a big ass rat…”
Bill: “…What the hell? Amy! Where are you! Amy!
Another Rat appears in the distance, peeking up from the foliage; it begins to head toward Benny too. Bill franticly picks up the pace crawling through the thick foliage; calling out for his girlfriend…
Bill: “Amy! Amy; are you okay?! Amy! A…”
Bill sees his girlfriend’s stranded flip-flop and a look of panic crosses his face; he fears the worst. He snatches it up and keeps moving. Lee has stopped moving and is rummaging in his fanny pack. Benny is nearing the edge of the forest; the rats in hot pursuit…
Benny: “SOMEBODY SAVE ME! RATS FROM HELL! RUN FOR YO LIVES!”
Bill sees Amy’s glasses in the muddy terrain up ahead; he grabs them and keeps crawling for the field ahead. We now see the two rats closing in on Benny…
Benny: “THIS IS IT YO! I’M GONNA DIE!”
Lee: “Hey! You Rats! I has some cheese for you; Kraft Singles!”
Lee pulls out a slice of cheese and throws it toward the other side of the forest. The Rats pause, and sniff the air; then give chase. Benny’s face still bears a look of pure shock on it; after a moment, he realizes that he isn’t surrounded by rats an rolls out of the bushes onto the field; coming down right behind Amy, knocking her feet out from under her…
Amy: “Ouch! Dominic, if that was you; I’m gonna kill you! You knocked my freaking glasses off!”
Lee , Bill and Nicole all manage to crawl out onto the field; Dominic comes struggling out of the bushes on two feet, carrying Elaine in his arms, who is crying. We see another blurry p.o.v. shot of Amy’s vision; showing the fuzzy image of Dominic carrying his girlfriend. We switch back to a normal camera angle as Amy marches over to Dominic with a look of pure anger; Elaine is sobbing in his arms; he puts her down on the ground, comforting her…
Elaine: “(*Sobbing) the m-m-mud, it t-t-took m-m-my s-s-shoe…”
Dominic: “I’m sorry babe; you have more at home you know…”
Amy stomps over to Dominic and starts yelling at him…
Amy: “You! You Moron! Because of You, I can’t see a d**n thing right now! You knocked my freaking glasses off!”
Dominic: “Chill out babe; look, my girl lost her shoe, you lost your glasses, and we all got covered in mud; okay? You have more glasses at home…”
Amy: “Look Mr. Tough Guy; I don’t care if your girl lost her shoe; I lost one of mine too! And I can’t see without my glasses; how am I supposed to go anywhere now if I can’t see!?!”
Bill: “Amy! You’re okay…”
Amy: “Bill! Your friend here knocked my glasses off in the woods! What happened in there…I heard yelling…Rats? Is everyone else okay?”
Bill: “Rats; huge rats…oh…here babe; it’s your lucky day; I found these in the woods…”
Bill hands Amy her glasses and the shoe. She puts them on and embraces him in a hug.
Amy: “I thought they were lost for good; I can’t see without them…Rats? What do you mean, huge Rats?”
Benny: “BIG ASS RATS FROM HELL!”
Nicole: “They were, like three feet tall! Mutant rats…”
Elaine: “The m-m-mud stole my shoe!”
Lee: “That Kraft Singles won’t keep them busy for long! We must keep moving!”
Benny: “Yo, thanks for saving I disagree back there dawg…”
Lee: “No Problameo homie skillet.”
We hear the rats in the woods. They are coming out into the field. The group begins to run toward the house. The terrain under the huge waist high weeds is bumpy and unpredictable; small holes made by large burrowing animals are hidden by the grass, creating tripping hazards. The rats come barreling out of the forest, and give chase.
Benny: “THEY GONNA EAT US! EVERY BROTHA FOR YO OWN SELF!”
Dominic and Elaine are running together, as are Amy and Bill; Behind Nicole are Lee and Benny, rushing to keep up with the group. Nicole trips on one of the rat holes and falls over. Benny and Lee come to a halt for a brief moment. The field allows for a much higher-speed chase, without any of the obstacles present in the woods; acting quick they both pull Nicole to her feet and continue running, as the rats gain on them. They begin to get closer to the house; Dominic and Elaine are leading the way, but all of the sudden, they step down while running and fall into a huge hole in the ground that has been hidden by the weeds; it’s not a rat hole; it’s a mine shaft sort of opening in the ground. We see them tumble beneath the weeds and vanish into the terrain. Nicole sees the fall.
She keeps running; the camera switches to show Dominic and Elaine falling down the hole which funnels them into a slide-like chute. They tumble down it and we see them hit the earth in what looks like a cavern lined with Gas lamps. The Camera switches back to the above ground chase. We see Bill and Amy running through the weedy field, nearing the base of the house. The dead grass around the perimeter of the house is short compared to the field. As they reach the threshold of the perimeter, Amy trips and stumbles over and smacks the ground face first; her glasses fly off and land in the grass a few feet away from her. The rats are gaining. Bill Stops running, realizing his girlfriend has fallen.
Bill: “AMY! No!”
Amy has knocked the wind out of herself; she groggily comes back to reality, realizing the impending danger heading her way. She squints into the distance, lazily trying to pull herself up of the ground. Her lip is bleeding from a deep gash.
Amy: “…uhg…not again…my glasses…where…where are they…Bill…BILL…I…I need HELP!”
Bill rushes back to Amy, and tries to pull her to her feet. The rat barrels up in front of them and rears up on its hind legs with a menacing squeal. It towers a good 6 to 7 feet above the ground now. Its hideous muzzle with crooked sickle like teeth protruding at odd angles is leaking drool. Bill holds Amy, comforting her in his arms as they sit frozen in the shadow of the huge rodent beast, waiting for it to strike. Benny, Lee and Nicole are getting closer and closer; the second rat in pursuit. All of the sudden, a terribly loud shrieking roar is heard from the sky. A huge black mass comes swooping through the clouds towards the field; a great bat, with a wingspan of at least 25 feet; it has huge boney talons on its feet, and long skinny legs. It has a lengthy tail with a spade-shaped end like that of a demon, and huge fangs like that of the rats, with sickle shaped teeth protruding from its swollen gums. With the grace of a hawk while looking much more like a demonic dragon; it swoops down onto the field and grabs the rat chasing Lee, Benny and Nicole with its talons and takes flight with it; the rat begins squealing in pain as the sharp claws cut into its skin. The rat advancing on Amy and Bill turns to see what is happening. It see the bat; squeals, and runs off towards one of the rat holes for safety. Thunder rumbles across the sky. It begins to rain; the bat flies into the distance and vanishes in the clouds, taking his catch with him.
Bill: “That…that was close…whoa; am I seeing things…or did I really see a giant mutant bat fly out of the sky… and grab a giant mutant mouse?”
Amy: “I don’t know; I lost my glasses again, so I couldn’t see…its raining isn’t it?”
The rest of the group runs across the field and joins Amy and Bill. The rain begins to fall harder. Everyone is soaked from head to toe. They all stop and catch their breath. The sky is getting darker. Bill turns and grabs Amy’s glasses of the ground and hands them to her.
Bill: “Here, put these on…”
Amy: “Thanks again; I’m a goner without these…”
Bill: “Where are Dominic and Elaine? What happened to them?”
Nicole: “The fell down a hole… (Breathing heavily in between)…I don’t know what happened to them after that…what the hell is going on around here…bats, rats…
Benny: “Look Yo, we all should get under cover, even if it means, *gulp*, going up to that gloomy old house…before another mutant animal shows up…”
Nicole: “But what about Elaine and Dominic?”
Lee: “Dominic is Big-Boy now; he and Elaine will be fine. We need to get under the cover for our own safety.”
Bill: “Your right bud; let’s all get up on the porch and see if we can find a way in…”
They all rush up onto the porch; a ramshackle overhang with holes in certain places covers the wet planks of bare wood that create the floor. The details on the columns holding up the overhang consist of a crude stack of carved shapes painted a dull teal; A Cube, then a sphere, then a diamond, a disc, and then a skull; they patter repeated in reverse from the skull which held its place in the middle of each crooked columns. The group of teens all head toward the front door of the house on the porch and are greeted by a cackling voice…a voice coming from a huge brass door-knocker in the shape of a demon’s face; it has piercing ruby red eyes, and a forked tongue. It begins speaking as they approach…
Guardian: “Ah, trespassers. What do you think you’re doing here in my domain?”
Bill: “What the hell is that? Is the door knocker talking to us?”
Guardian: “Mortals, daring to step foot on my domain! You must be feeling brave my friends…”
Amy: “…And I thought this place was abandoned; who rigged front door with this high tech Halloween prop anyhow?”
Guardian: “Foolish Four Eyed Mortal Soul! I am no man made machine; I am known as the Guardian...”
Amy: “Hey! Leave my glasses out of this! You…hey…it even recognizes appearance? Wow that is a pretty nifty door knocker…”
Lee: “Uh, but logic says that would mean someone has a camera hooked up around here to spy on us.”
Guardian: “Squinty eyed Mortal; you too dare to underestimate my reality? I must warn you, trespassers here are rarely seen again! You’ve already met some of my many “ghoul” friends haven’t you? They are growing very hungry, yes; very hungry.”
The group watches the doorknocker as it issues the warning; it moves with precession no normal machine could mimic. It appears that the knocker might actually be “alive”…
Guardian: “Here in my domain, you; the undead; are the outsiders. I can feel your hearts beating, faster and faster. You’re afraid...”
Bill: “Look, we need to get inside; so would you just stop trying to freak us all out and open up? We’ve seen mutant mice and giant demon bats since we showed up here. You’re the least scary…thing we have seen here…let us in!”
Benny: “Yo, please open up dawg…please…I’m just waiting to see some mutant Tigers come up and try to kill us…”
The all chime in begging the Knocker to let them in.
Guardian: “Fine; but remember, you are about to open up the gates of hell; inside, you will come face to face with ghouls, banshees, and other creatures that go bump in the night; you think you have a “ghost” of a chance surviving? Of “Corpse” you’re afraid aren’t you? Don’t be afraid…Be VERY Afraid! HEHEHEHAHAHA! Move on kiddies! And “Ghoul” luck in there; you’ll need it!”
The door swings open by itself. The cackling door knocker continues to laugh. The group steps into the house. Organ music is heard echoing from somewhere within the walls. They are in a square shaped foyer like room with ornate chandeliers and gas lamps mounted on the walls. A deep crimson wall paper with odd patterns covers the walls, peeling away in some spots revealing rotting clapboard panels. A feint sound of creaking wood is heard. The floor is covered with a dust-coated ornate patterned rug. The faded design resembles a spider’s web with a skull in the center of pattern in the middle of the floor. Cobwebs are present everywhere. The furniture in the room is quite bizarre; a large wooden Grandfather clock stained a brilliant shade of red with a dark green face stands in one corner; the arms on the face resemble snakes, and the whole clock stands at an awkward angle. The other corner is occupied by a stone bust; its face, after closer inspection, is not made of stone; but is actually a real human head; or was; it’s a stuffed human head on a pedestal…there are three doors inside, one on each wall (minus the entrance), with large rusty black iron work details on the handles and hinges. The doors themselves are an unsightly rotting gray, made of unpainted and unprimed panels of bare wood. The doors are all closed, but sounds can be heard from behind them. The door slowly closes behind them. A sound of turning locks signals that the group is now trapped inside. The room fades as the scene switches to the mine shaft where Dominic and Elaine are now stranded. The two are getting to their feet; covered in dust and mud.
Dominic: “They better not leave us here! I’ll beat them senseless!”
Elaine: “I don’t think coming here was such a great Idea anymore…I…I’m scared…”
Dominic: “Don’t worry, you’re with me. I wasn’t expecting mutant hamsters’ ether. Let’s try and find a way out of this place.”
The shaft leads down a long straightaway. Crooked beams line the passage holding the earth up above. Gas lamps cast a feint orange glow down the underground hallway. They begin walking down the passage; the end is completely pitch-black, and far off. They have a ways to walk; or is there even an end to the passage? They begin walking. We see a few establishing shots that show us large spiders and some snakes in the shadows of the passage. We see another shot that shows the passage seems to tilt to one side up in the distance; then it fades to the interior of the house. We are back with the other group of teens in the foyer…
Nicole: “Why can’t we all just head back over to the car and wait? That’s probably where Elaine and Dominic will go if they find a way out…”
Benny: “Cause’ there’s mutant animals out there girl; and I am not gonna get my hide eat’n by some oversized monster animal if that’s all right with you!”
Lee: “Look, we got to the house; let’s explore it like we planned to do…”
A loud creaking overhead reminds everyone that the house is in bad shape…
Lee: “…Or not…”
More creaking is heard; the organ music stops playing; and then more creaking…somebody else is in the house…the sounds of footsteps cause the group to cease conversation. They all listen close, fearing that they might have actually disturbed something. The sounds of a door opening and footsteps growing louder and louder bring the group to huddle together; fearing they all might be in danger. They hear the sound of a latch turning on the door directly across from the entrance. Lee has his eyes close tight; Amy and Bill are holding each other tightly; Nicole is breathing heavy with a look of fear etched in her eyes; Benny is shivering from head to toe very rapidly; his face is flushed of color. The door begins to open. The background music crescendos; Benny drops to his knees in a puddle of liquid beneath him, pants stained…
Count: “Now what do we have here?” A man dressed in dated formal attire with a long flowing cape enters from the doorway. He has a collar on similar to those worn by kings and queens of the Shakespearian era. He has a long brownish grey slick-backed hairstyle, with thick bushy eyebrows. His skin was very pale, but a dark-toned pale. He stands staring at the group of teens in his house for a few seconds before speaking again; noticing the puddle under Benny, who has pissed his pants…
Count: “Mortals? Welcome to my ancestral abode. What a delightful surprise! We have so few visitors these days. I was begging to think nobodies would ever show up here again! Welcome! Welcome! You there, boy; what has managed to frighten you into spilling your bladder all over my ancestral carpet? Don’t be afraid; nothing is going to harm you in here boy…”
Bill: “Wait; you’re not… Count Wolfgang Von Vinderstine?”
Count: “Yes; so you have heard of me; what a delightful surprise you are…and on such a sacred night as this one…ah, the greatest of Holidays…”
The group is in shock. The Count has not taken the slightest approach in telling them off for trespassing; instead welcoming them inside. His vocal tone (with a thick Dracula like accent) and bizarre attire set a frightening mood to the teens. How was it that this man lived here for so many years and not once had anyone realized the house was not abandoned so to speak?
Count: “Follow me my friends; I shall take you on a tour of my home; that is, after all, why you’re here, isn’t it my friends?”
Bill: “Wait; hold up…we have a few questions count…”
The Count who has momentarily turned to head through the door turns again to face the teens. He looks at them with a puzzled expression…
Count: “Ah, yes; you must be wondering about the inhabitants of my gardens…I believe you met some of them…one of the family pets too…”
Benny: “Yo dawg, them Rats are Yo family pets! That ain’t right Yo; that ain’t right at all…”
Count: “Oh, no my dear boy; the rats are not our pets…no…the rats are prey for our pets...much like a snake is feed live rodents, my dear Lucifer likes his food live for the catch…”
Nicole: “That giant bat has a name? It’s your family pet? What the…”
Count: “Oh Lucifer is just a misunderstood creature. He wouldn’t hurt a fly…”
The group all looks at the Count; confused…a grin crosses his face…
Count: “That’s because, a fly wouldn’t even make a snack for him…if you catch my drift…”
The Count lets out a very hardy yet sinister laugh…
Count: “Don’t be afraid, he won’t harm you unless he’s told too. So, let us continue on through my ancestral mansion…ah, and the weather outside brings a warm glow to my spirit; of course, I suspect it brings shrouds of darkness into yours. If this storm continues, it might be wise of you to stay here for the night…”
Bill: “Wait, our friends…they fell into a hole while we were on our way across the field…do you know where they might have ended up?”
Count: “Of course I do; they ended up in a “grave” situation…”
The Count laughs again…
Nicole: “Seriously! Not cool…what really happened to them!”
Count: “Forgive me; it’s Halloween; get in the “Spirit!” I’m terribly sorry about that little pun. The might be in the old shaft passage to the wine cellar in the basement…I’ll send one of my friends out to find them. The passage doesn’t always lead the right way nowadays…they might get lost in there…”
The Count whistles and the door on the left side opens. A tall lanky man with dark greasy hair and bright piercing blue eyes enters the room. He is dressed in ratty looking blue overcoat; pair of tattered trousers are being held up to his waist by a make-shift rope belt. His clothes are covered in grease and stains of various shades. His teeth are yellowing and crooked. (This character is based on the man pulling the lever on the stretcher in the torture chamber for those who haven’t realized)
(TO BE CONTINUED)
What do you think so far? Do you like the changes? Tell me what you think.
Post by mttbrilhart on Oct 26, 2010 21:23:35 GMT -5
The Count whistles and the door on the left side opens. A tall lanky man with dark greasy hair and bright piercing blue eyes enters the room. He is dressed in ratty looking blue overcoat; pair of tattered trousers are being held up to his waist by a make-shift rope belt. His clothes are covered in grease and stains of various shades. His teeth are yellowing and crooked. (This character is based on the man pulling the lever on the stretcher in the torture chamber for those who haven’t realized)The Count begins to give him an order…
Count: “Cain, I need you to go out to the shaft and find some lost kids. They are…uh…pardon me but, what do your friends look like?”
Bill: “Uh, Dominic has black hair and is pretty muscular; Elaine is blonde…”
Count: “You heard the boy Cain; now hurry on out before they end up getting into trouble…”
Cain merely nods. He sulks over to the front door and kicks it once. A few seconds later, it swings open and the cackling of the talking knocker is heard; he walks out, and the door swings shut; the room is silent again…
Count: “Poor lad; Cain is one of my last surviving family members; He’s horribly weak at talking or conveying his emotions, but deep down, I can’t see him being a bad person. He has it harsh in this world; I’m the only friend he has. He will find your friends; now, as I was saying, you’re more than welcome to stay the night if this weather holds up. We have room for all of you here in my home.”
Amy: “I don’t think that’s…”
Count: “Oh, but of course! Let me give you all a tour of home! Follow me; you have nothing to fear…”
The Count begins to head through the door he entered the foyer through. The group of teens all look at each other with looks of doubt and concern; they mutely covey the decision of “What else can we do right now?” and decode to follow the Count. Standing up, Benny realizes he has pissed himself. Lee points at the stain on his jeans and laughs. Benny calls out to the Count; who turns abruptly…
Benny: “Yo, Count; where is the little boy’s room?”
Count: “Oh; take that door on your right and go up the first flight of steps on your left; then turn down the hallway; first door on the right…do try not to get lost…”
Benny: “Thanks Dawg…”
Benny turns and darts out of the room; The Count looks at him with a look of confusion, and then the puddle of liquid on the floor; his look turns to a sinister grin…
Count: “(*To Himself) *Yes… Dog*… Let us begin our tour my friends; follow me…”
With a whoosh of the count’s Cape the scene fades into the dark mine shaft. We momentarily see Dominic and Elaine walking the passage before the camera switches aging to the storm up above on the field. Cain is headed across the field toward the shaft opening; we see it in much more detail now. An earthy hole in the ground is bordered by rotted beams on which appears to have sat a roof or trap door that has collapsed under pressure. The remains of broken boards that fractured are still held to the border by rusty nails. The weeds around it are three feet tall. Cain climbs in and slides down the bare earth into the shaft. We can hear the distant echoes of conversation from the two teens up ahead; Cain glares down the passage with a look of sinister intentions and then turns to pull a beam from the floor that looks much stronger then the rotted ones in the passage. He then slowly heads toward the direction of the couple in the distance, dragging the huge piece of lumber behind him… We switch scenes to find Benny walking the halls of the house. The blood red walls are covered in ornate paintings of different men and women in formal period attire; cobweb covered chandeliers hand from the rafters, and decaying wooden floor is covered down the center by a velvety purple rug. Benny is rushing around holding his private area looking for which door is the bathroom; he has obviously forgotten as his face bares a look of strain and confusion. He knocks on one door; we hear a creaking of what sounds like a turn table, and then the gravelly voice of an elderly lady…
Elderly Voice: “Who might that be…?”
Benny: “Uh, Yo; that the bathroom in there?”
The door opens, and what appears to be a skeletal thin old woman with wrinkly gray skin and bright brownish yellow eyes greets him; she has her hair up in a bun, and is wearing an old faded indigo dress with a floral pattern and frilly collars on the neck and arms. She squints up at him, standing at least a foot and a half shorter then Benny, and speaks again…(It’s the Knit Witt Obviously)
Knit Witt: “Well hello there deary; what might you be looking for at this hour of night? (Pauses) Oh, yes; it’s morning all ready? Thanks for the check in sonny boy; tell Mr. Van Cinderstien I’ll be down in a jiffy…”
We get the tone that she is very forgetful; She wanders back into the room and Benny, who has stood looking at this corpse like old lady all this time in pure shock doesn’t speak, but merely lets his bowels do the talking…we hear a wet sound, and Benny runs screaming down the hall; A brown mark clearly visible on the rear end of his jeans…
Brandon: The forum has so many new visitors, but so few new posts! Come on people! Let's get the conversation started. Summer is almost here!
Apr 29, 2013 12:00:20 GMT -5
HHMacabre: Hi everyone! Did I hear word of new additions in the ride? How is the Mineshaft?
May 7, 2013 20:44:50 GMT -5
Brandon: Yes, there are supposed to be two new effects installed this year. I don't have any insight yet but will share the information once I receive it. I don't think anything has been done with the Shaft.
May 8, 2013 10:21:23 GMT -5
Brandon: There have also been three additional mini shooting galleries installed around the park. Pics and information to come a later date at ochh.net.
May 8, 2013 10:21:52 GMT -5
mttbrilhart: Headed down on the 14th; head home on the 17th. Anyone else going to be down around then?
Aug 2, 2013 15:09:41 GMT -5
nickanap: anybody still come on here?
Apr 16, 2015 20:38:20 GMT -5
plokoon111: Yeah im just hoping more people become active.
Apr 28, 2015 18:20:18 GMT -5
codejuggler: Hi All! Was wondering if anyone has pics of the inside of trimpers toyland from back in the day.
Apr 29, 2015 7:26:22 GMT -5
Hanover, Pa: Crickets on here!
Jan 17, 2019 11:34:34 GMT -5